Walk a Mile in Their Shoes- A Referee’s Experience

It is a common feeling that we all experience—being immensely frustrated at another person who keeps making the wrong decision. Oh, if we had been in their position, we surely would have gotten it right! This feeling does not make you a bad person, but, if you took a moment to step into someone else’s shoes, you might wow yourself with a new appreciation for a different perspective. It’s simple—going from being a driver to a pedestrian, a student to a teacher, or my focus in today’s post—a player, viewer and analyzer to a referee. 

As a competitive soccer player for about five years, I have encountered my fair share of referees. The ones that butcher at least half the team’s names during check in, the ones that change their calls based on what the parents on the sideline say, the ones that refuse to stop the game when a player is injured, or the ones that seem to be making every single call against you. Now, by no means am I saying that I would do exactly what they do—they are fundamentally different people who make different decisions—but maybe I don’t assume they’re a horrible person out to get us? 

My first morning refereeing was a nerve wracking experience. I walked onto the bustling field on a Sunday, similar to the one I walk onto when I have my own games—but there is something different about wearing that contrasting yellow jersey of a referee—everyone is looking at you and expecting something: it’s their child’s game you’re refereeing. In retrospect, I realize that I came pretty unprepared—I was missing many things and had only fifteen minutes to get my act together. And then in what felt like just a few short minutes, I was blowing the whistle for the start of play. 

I consider myself pretty knowledgeable when it comes to soccer and its rules—but I have never felt more clueless. The rules for freekick calls became scribbles in the moment of a split-second decision when all the six year olds’ feet were tangled up together. And when the ball went out, however obvious, I just could not remember the direction to point for the throw in. Sometimes, I felt I was looking at the parents for an indication of what to signal. Why was I— a person who is usually quite confident in her ability to know this game, and its rules—struggling to implement the rules? 

As a player I have never mouthed off to the referee, but I have definitely disagreed with their calls, and seen my teammates and coaches argue with them…”The call seemed so blatantly wrong!”…” How did they miss that!” —I have watched lots of Premier League and UCL matches: referees at the highest level of play. Unlike them, it was my first game, but we are alike in the aspect that we are human and we make mistakes in those split second moments where the pace and intensity of the game is a challenge. Yet, I cannot imagine on top of the hyperfocus you need to have in those moments, having parents or fans screaming, second guessing and dismissing all of your calls. And, not just that, but refereeing is about interpretation of the game. There is a reason that Virtual Assistant Referee (VAR) tries not to get involved in every play. It’s because we’re losing the spirit and human aspect of the game by taking away the referee’s call. But with that comes the fact that different people will interpret the game differently. While some rules are clearly “factual”, there is a large gray zone. So, I have to believe that even if I don’t agree, the referee is at least trying to use their extensive experience to make the call that, in their experience, is best. 

After what I at first considered a traumatic experience, I took a step back and reflected on my day. The appreciation I have gained for what referees do has made me realize that when I am watching a game on TV and have seen the replay for the third time, or I am sitting on the sideline of one of my own games, it’s way easier to criticize the referee than to realize one of two things. Either they made a human mistake—something that we are all just as capable of doing— or, maybe the call was not as black or white as we think it is. Refereeing is an art, not a science, and artistic styles develop differently based on practice and exposure. 

By no means am I saying I will never dispute a call again, trust me I will! All I’m saying is that next time I want to say “How stupid can they possibly be!,” I’ll stop and check myself because I know their job is already hard as is.